Dear Idiotic & Foolish Bridegrooms, Virginity ≠ Purity.
I was confused whether I should scold the movies or the society for this myth? Almost 2014 and we are living a life our ancestors dreamt of. But still some stuff came along and one of them is about “Virginity”.
Though it is difficult for me to write about this topic, I wanted to write this topic hoping it could change few bridegrooms and save few lives. I remember reading this somewhere, not sure whether it was WhatsApp or Facebook, but it got my attention very much, it was like people – “..using a white bed sheet on the first night of marriage just to check the bride’s virginity!” Not only this shocked me, but also made me feel bad for the way I learned about virginity. To be honest, it is nothing, it is just a small layer or tissue, and I just learned the term for that, it’s called “hymen”. Is a small tissue deciding a girl’s fate? WTF is that?
How *Some* Men Generally See A Girl’s Virginity
You always wanted to see a girl as Sania Mirza or Kalpana Chawla, but you were not able to realize that when girls do physical activities through sports or any adventurous kinds of stuff that could rupture her hymen, which breaks the seal.
Unless we interact and learn about our opposite gender it is impossible to change that thought. We live in a lustful world, eyeing girls here and there. It’s hard to change the society, but we can change some people. Most men want their brides to be virgins, and I’m not opposing this thing because those men could be virgins and want to experience sexual activity with a virgin. But sometimes (for men) you are a virgin just because you didn’t have *that* opportunity, seriously. We have another issue with Masturbation when men masturbate it doesn’t really matter. It’s just a time pass or stress relax. But when women masturbate, there is a possibility that it could break their hymen without their knowledge, I mean not every girl knows about her stuff unless she had someone who could explain to her what could happen next. This could be mainly due to sex toys and other objects, which should be a must no-no.
When a man finds out that his wife is not a virgin, the ultimate thought that crosses his mind could be whether she had sex with anyone else or is she is betraying me? C’mon, it’s not wrong to think like that, but it’s wrong to think like that without knowing about what virginity is. Consult someone who is experienced enough to understand what virginity is and what hymen is. Remember if women started to fight that they will marry only virgin men, then most of us won’t even get married. :
Sexuality is not a Sin, it’s just a human need. Virginity is more like a trust, which shouldn’t be broken. But Virginity is a big thing in India and Indian parents are very strict about it. But right now breaking the virginity has become a trend among youngsters.
Virginity ≠ Purity. Virginity = Hymen (A Small Tissue)
I’m an Atheist and I hate when people compare Virginity with Holiness or God stuff. If you say Virginity is a gift from God, then there’s no point in having female Gods. Someone recently asked, “What if she had sex with someone before and she lost her virginity? She is not a pure girl right?” I’m not sure about the kind of answer he expects from me, but we can ask the same question to ourself. We both have sexual organs and we both deserve to use them. What’s the point in differentiating?
To my friend’s question, she could have lost her virginity from her previous sexual relationship with her so-called lover who later on betrayed her after achieving what he expected. She trusted him, that’s the only mistake she did, nothing else. You can move with your life, and don’t ever repeat this mistake. She could have also been raped and she is not willing to share this with anyone fearing it might hurt her parents or her future husband.
Though premarital sex is a bad thing in India, it is just ‘sex’ for us, there is no pre or post marriage blah blah. Having sex before marriage is not really cheating to future husband, it is just a mistake done by desperate youngsters. Men having sex before marriage no issue, but Women having sex before marriage big issue? Like I said I’m not an expert in these topics and I’m not a total feminist, but I have some friends who face this trouble, so these are my views. Virginity is just a human tissue, it has nothing to do with their hearts and characters. It could be a divine thing, but it doesn’t decide our fate. But don’t ever break your virginity just because you want to be modern and adapt to the gang of sick friends you have.
If you still have doubts, go and ask a doctor, even the insertion of a tampon or any medical instrument to absorb menstrual blood could break the hymen and it is not a big deal. Even, after all, this if your bridegroom or husband or lover doubts you, just show a ‘middle finger’ or use both your hands, remove them from your life, and move on. Meanwhile, if your bride or wife or lover betrays you physically and emotionally, you know what to do. B-)
Sorry for the offensive title, but you know very well for whom I mentioned those words. Both the genders (boys/girls) are equal and they both face equal burdens these days, but we should not focus on myths to decide our future wife’s character and genuineness. Yes, Virginity is a personal right of an individual person, but you can also decide whether you can preserve it and give it as a gift to your future husband. Adieu!